@moose_chocolate: How come "you're a peach" is a complement but "you're bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
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@awescar: If you want to hide a gift for your husband, just put it in the pantry with one thing in front of it.
@ConanOBrien: One time I wore my brother's t-shirt, and my dad asked if I was dressing up as his favorite child for Halloween.
@conanobrienswyf: All out of clean spoons so I guess I'll just eat this fat free yogurt with my gun.