@MaryKoCo: "How crazy is your ex? Crazy like my triceps?" "How sick is your mother? Sick like my triceps?"
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@hazelmotes1: Don't judge. Maybe I'm conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don't know.
@paulhorne: I was just adoringly watching my dog sleep and he woke up and caught me and now he thinks I'm some stalker weirdo.
@bridger_w: "Then it's agreed. We'll meet back in this same place in 10 years." -Me to some dishes in my sink
@lyric_intent: It doesn't matter how up-to-date your donor card is, the hospital gets really judgey when you drop off a liver unannounced.