@MaryKoCo: "How crazy is your ex? Crazy like my triceps?" "How sick is your mother? Sick like my triceps?"
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@jenyb4: The only way I'd want to watch a video of you pouring a bucket of ice water over your head is if you promise you drown at the end.
@daemonic3: DOCTOR: I have some bad news. You have HIV ROMAN: What?! DOCTOR: Do you have any questions at this time? ROMAN: Yes, wtf is H4?
@SteveKoehler22: When your wife asks you to dig a hole for her shrub- She'll feel threatened if you make it large enough to hold a body. I know this now.