@Brentweets: How dare you incinerate that I don't know big words.
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@RdrJay47: The only things certain in life are death, taxes, and forgetting my reusable grocery bags.
@AllanCresswell: Why do you ask me to press 1 for english when you know damn well you're going to transfer me to someone who doesn't speak english?
@turtledumplin: Someone on my FB posted a snap that said "I'm boared" And I'm just like....... *don't comment *don't comment *don't comment *don't comment
@lwhit_the_boss: My signature move at parties is flirting with a cute guy for half an hour before realizing he's actually a bag of Cheetos