@omgthatspunny: How did I get out of Iraq? Iran.
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@Flattliner: People who drive very slowly cause me cognitive dissonance. They deserve to die, but appear less likely to do so...
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What happens if I microwave 5 Barbies? Me: That’s an oddly specific question. 4: I already know what happens if I do it with 4
@DaHess1: People think it's great if you like kids but will freak out if you assign an age. I like 10 year olds. See? Creepy. I'll wait in the van.