@1followernodad: How do I like my eggs? Umm in a cake.
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@zachreinert03: Reporter got asked about any survivors of a plane crash & said 'its up in the air'. Dude if it was up in the air we wouldn't be in this mess
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What sound do dogs make? 3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses? 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs? 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.
@ArrogantBB8: *hears your text message notification beep* *constantly imitates it so you check your phone for no reason*