@leechee420: How do I tell a guy that I'm only interested in him because I'd like to take selfies with his puppy?
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@animaldrumss: No, actually I hate gambling, that's why the dice on my shirt are on fire. If I see someone start to gamble I'll burn up his gambling dice.
@omically: saying "we won" after watching a sports game is like saying "we played really well" after watching a concert
@JohnnyBrash: 4: Where did I come from? Me: Mommy's belly. 4: How'd I get there? Me: I, uh...put you there? 4: How did you... Me: WHO WANTS ICE CREAM?!