@AthenaMystique: How do you get spiderwebs out of your hair? Asking because Spider-Man... I mean... Just asking.
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@TheMichaelRock: 12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What's wrong with the one we live in? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son.
@oxygenplug: *you see a bear approaching you* Quick play dead! *bears comes running up* Oh god! OH GOD! What's happening!? Wake up! WHO DID THIS TO YOU!?
@GrabTheWEness: *posts Social Security number on social media* *hopes someone steals his identity and pays off his mortgage*