@TEXASVETERAN: How do you say "I'm sorry I got you pregnant, but my plane leaves in an hour. I might visit the baby one day." in Korean?
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@LionJenkins: Autocorrect just changed "Selfies" to "Selfless" so I just took a picture without me in it.
@mrace_ventura: "Did you do your homework?" "Did you grade my test?" "I have other student's tests to grade." "I have other teacher's homework to do."
@craiguito: My ex used to say there was one person for everyone. I didn't realise he planned to be that person
@VancityReynolds: People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. I swear to god, you could rob a liquor store in this city with a bagel.