@pjux: "How do you speak such good English?" "I dunno 200 years of colonialism and eurocentric education, how do you know so little history?"
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@NiceLittleWife: When I go to Victoria's Secret, I just throw things on the floor to see how they'll really look.
@iwearaonesie: *makes sandwich* *sits down to eat it* *sees dog staring at me* *rips off small piece* *gives her the rest*
@freypalm: Driver: My God… that weasel… Onlooker: He just went… “pop”… Weasel’s family: *sobbing* Ice-cream man: I’ve got an idea for a song y’all.