@TheAlexNevil: How does a cricket know if his joke has bombed?
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@MarfSalvador: Homeless man: Spare some change for a cup of coffee? Me: *Bends down to eye level* You don't look anything like a cup of coffee
@flashember: [Worm sitting alone] WAITER: Dinner for 1? Dumb question W: But- *worm cuts self in half* *waiter shrieks* 2nd WORM: I'll have the prime rib
@8bitgun: almost called my teacher "mom," but I caught myself after "mo" and added an "n." I had to pretend I was Jamaican for the rest of the year.
@causticbob: My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.