@Tommytoughstuff: "How does Dracula get his hair so perfect without a mirror? Oh questions about the job? No I'm good."
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@JoleenDoreen: When you get to Customs and they ask if you have anything to declare, "Thumb War" is not the answer they were looking for.
@browneyegirl9: If you don't like the idea of wiping someone's ass in the middle of eating a delicious meal, you probably shouldn't become a parent.
@timdonakowski: Naming my daughter "A Relationship" so I don't have to worry about punks wanting to be in her.