@Tommytoughstuff: "How does Dracula get his hair so perfect without a mirror? Oh questions about the job? No I'm good."
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@comfynumb2012: Good news, people in 3rd world countries, suffering inexplicable hardships- Amy from fb says god won't give you more than you can handle.
@Pspenny36: 7yo: mommy you smell like beer. Me: well, you smell like a bad idea that your dad and I thought could fix our marriage....now go to bed.
@bobbiejo448: Someone please tell my mother she won't get a free iPod by clicking the links. She's convinced I just don't want to show her how to use it.
@MentalAbortions: I'm pretty sure they weren't talking about stupid when they told you, "If you got it flaunt it."