@causticbob: How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I'm serious. That Israeli how he does it.
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@miliondollameat: wife: go see if the baby sleeping *walks into baby's room* baby: corporations exploit our insecurities for profit me: no babe she woke af
@heyjaywolff: "Alexa, lock the door" - me to my friend alexa because computers locking doors is LITERALLY HOW TERMINATOR STARTED
@J_Dazzle76: If I ever go missing and theres a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.