@causticbob: How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I'm serious. That Israeli how he does it.
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@MattMcElaney: "...any reason why these 2 should not be married, speak now or..." They're engagement photo only got 21 likes on Facebook! *crowd GASPS*
@AGreaterMonster: My mom sent me a two paragraph email to inform me that she had called customer service and received $17 off her flight to see me.
@Wine_Charmer: PSA: Flip flops are the safest shoes to wear. They tell potential predators that you have nothing to lose.