@causticbob: How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I'm serious. That Israeli how he does it.
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@VintageKriner: "You're more likely to be killed in a car wreck than eaten by a shark." The shark made a convincing argument, so I got out of the cage.
@ComedicBust: I joined snapchat yesterday; apparently my phone doesn't die fast enough for my liking.
@TheSharona06: That guy who just spent 2 hours washing and waxing his sportscar looks like a douche. C'mon boys, you know what to do. - Birds, probably