@omgthatspunny: How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
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@slimmy_shady: Co-worker: My husband & I are praying for a baby. Me: You know that's not how you get 1, right? You gotta have sex. What does HR want now?
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Mom holding crying baby: He just needs to be changed. Me: Yeah hopefully into a puppy or something quieter.
@daemonic3: Stopped drinking coffee 3 days ago, and feel less and less addicted to caffeine with every new cup of my own pee.