@PJTLynch: How excited are you, on a scale from 1 to white woman who just found out that this dinner party has sangria?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bourgeoisalien: I can't stop coughing. Think I'll go see a movie in a crowded theater while slowly eating a bag of bone-dry popcorn.
@RandomlyMJ: My exes new girlfriend has been calling me looking for him for days. It got old. I gave in and sent her the map and shovel.
@david8hughes: [shipwreck diary] Day 32: a plane flew over last night but I fired the only flare on day 5 to celebrate my first solid shit in over a week