@Darlainky: Maybe naming my new hippie themed bar Free Spirits was a bit misleading. Lesson learned.

@PopSlapFunk: So we no longer say "please" and "thanks" in the office? Never got the memo. But I did get one saying it's ok to key impolite people's cars.

@EJGomez: *emergency room* NURSE: "we're losing him!" DOCTOR [pouring like a lot of buckets of ice water on his head]: "IM WORKING AS FAST AS I CAN"

@Elizasoul80: 5 year old son: I want to be a boxer. Me: I think you're too cute to be a boxer. 5: Yes, that is what everybody will think.

@JennyJohnsonHi5: I posted "Happy Almost Mother's Day!" on this chick I grew up with's Facebook page, guess I was the only one who remembered her abortion.