@serialmatrix: How many bears would Bear Grylls grill, if Bear Grylls could grill bears?
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@asimplesean: I approach. "Girl are you a couch? Cuz I'm gonna try & fail to pick you up." She laughs. "I'm Jen." My training hasn't prepared me for this.
@OneFunnyMummy: The fastest way to get your kids to shut up is to ask them a question you want answered.
@SortaBad: No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch