@the_blacklisted: How many coffees before I stop looking for shirts in my refrigerator
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@yonewt: Sometimes I get flustered by waitresses and I say things like "Abso-fruit-ly!" and they laugh like I'm so clever but we both know
@GrumpyComments: It takes a keen ear to pick out a girl's "I haven't finished but I know you're about to, so I'll try to be supportive" moan.
@bingowings14: As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.