@5exyunchained: How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
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@lawbsterfest: Kevin, children are allowed to order pizzas. You don't have to make the delivery guy think he's being shot at by gangsters. For christ sake.
@QwertyJones3: Me: Oh my god, that cat is adorable! She's the cutest kitty I've ever seen! Cat: I just want to be friends.
@RickAaron: This grocery store is playing "Freebird" which I interpret as an invitation to shoplift a turkey.
@imence2: Whenever I write out my alimony payment, I put cute things on the memo. Like "for your next divorce" or "clothes that make you feel skinny".