@UnFitz: "How many fingers do I have up?"
- a gynecologist who thinks he's really funny
@Mike_Bianchi: It's unfair to call me lactose intolerant when you consider what I'm willing to go through for lactose.
@Mehrwane: Interviewer: It says here on your resume you can make chicks laugh, how?
Me [holding a chick in my hand & tickling it]: I'm a miracle worker
@katy_baybay: I like my men like I like my coffee. Tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through Columbia behind a donkey.
@wickedsuga: DON'T TOUCH ME! AND YOU'RE BREATHING WRONG! STOP IT!
-wives, on their period
Or if they're hungry.
Or if you are actually breathing wrong.
@Twitflup: "Excuse me shopkeep, where are your Terminators?"
"Aisle B, back".