@UnFitz: "How many fingers do I have up?"
- a gynecologist who thinks he's really funny
@Jmboyd58: *Jesus multiplies a loaf of bread for the masses*
From the back: Actually I'm gluten free now.
Jesus: ughhh, someone get me a fish
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Social media is great. Before Facebook I'd never know what the girl who wrote "dirty Jew" on my 8th grade locker was thankful for this year.
@ramblinma: All these people training for marathons and I'm over here, on my couch, trying to lasso the remote with my phone charger.
@sickipediabot: Thousands of stoners give up smoking weed to avoid having any association with Justin Bieber.
Cleverest. Government. Propaganda. Ever.
*it’s quite late now. Let’s make a call*
*Hey Boss, are you sleepin?*
[Yes you nerd, why?]
*cause I’m still doing your stupid work*