@jus4golf: How many of you have awakened with your spouse holding your hand only to find they are putting your thumb on your iPhone trying to break in?
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@iAmDelFreaky: Everybody at the party got upset when Baby Jesus turned the wine into breast milk.
@UncleDuke1969: [Heaven] Me: What happened? God: You were sending a DM & got hit by a bus. Me: I only have one ques- God: Sorry, man. She was totes a dude.
@KKAlThani: My personal trainer told me to stop eating pizzas but if I'm craving it I should just eat one slice. So now I ask them not to cut the pizza.