@jus4golf: How many of you have awakened with your spouse holding your hand only to find they are putting your thumb on your iPhone trying to break in?
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@shkeeber: *camera pans to a pair of sneakers hanging over a power line* *Sean Connery takes a long drag of his cigarette* "It was a... shoeishide"
@SirEviscerate: Due to a gypsy curse, I gain weight each time I consume more calories than are burned by my basal metabolic rate plus daily activities.
@Laser_Cat: *gets pulled over* Do you know how fast you were going? *pulls string* *inflates emergency mustache* Oh sorry officer. You're free to go.