@OhNoSheTwitnt: How many people in America do you think I can trick into believing that Brexit is the name of one of Sarah Palin's kids?
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@Poutymcgee: I was in a cafe the other day when I overheard this: "Can you please stop listening to our conversation?"
@Reverend_Scott: "I'm soooo tired!" [lays down in bed] "I'm soooo comfortable!" Bladder: Sup bro
@ArfMeasures: ME: I worked at a zoo for a while THERAPIST: Great! & what did you take from that? ME: [monkey noises coming from my bag] Uh good memories