@OhNoSheTwitnt: How many people in America do you think I can trick into believing that Brexit is the name of one of Sarah Palin's kids?
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@girlontapas: My mom bought me a bottle of whiskey as a Xmas gift... She seemed a little upset that I said she should've mailed it ahead of her visit.
@Reverend_Scott: And then God said, "Let there be Black Friday." and he saw that it was a terrible idea but it was too late cuz people were already in line.
@CulturedRuffian: INTERVIEWER: What are your skills? BATMAN: I right things. I: What do you write? B: I Right People's Wrongs. I: Oh so you're an editor?