@OhNoSheTwitnt: How many people in America do you think I can trick into believing that Brexit is the name of one of Sarah Palin's kids?
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@midnitesoc: "The Walking Dad," but it's just a guy walking around the house turning off lights and muttering that he's "not made of money"
@kumailn: "Give your email a good password. Letters, symbols, numbers." "What about my atm card which holds all my money?" "Any 4 numbers in a row."
@ieatanddrink: I like telling car salesmen "Listen, we both know I'm not here to buy a car" and trying to figure out what it is they think I'm there to do