@DaddyJew: How many points do I get if I hit a Pokemon player with my car?
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@QwertyJones3: Damn girl, are you my Boy Scout troop leader? Cause you're making me pitch a tent.
@AaronCSU54: My therapist thinks meeting women on twitter for sex is a bad idea. His wife disagrees.
@SteveSuckington: "Hello, this is Steve, my wife is listening." - How I answer every phone call since my wife bought Bluetooth for my car.
@Cheeseboy22: When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her a little and yell, "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!" People always clap when she wakes up.