@peterjames48: How many raisins do I have to add to this bag of M&Ms before it qualifies as trail mix? One? I say one.
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@Mr_Kapowski: *scientist finishes bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal and begins drinking the milk* "Wait just one damn minute" - How horchata was born
@daemonic3: Is this your resume? "Yep" It just says you used to leave shit at your friends' doors, ring the bell & run away "Oh yes" Welcome to UPS!
@abbycohenwl: Cat: Meow Me: Meow Mom: Why do you do that? Me: Silly, huh? Mom: No, reckless! Do you even know what you said? What if you told him he's fat
@Robert_Beau: At Toys R Us: TRU: Yessir? Me: I want a light saber. TRU: We have basic to advanced, how old is your grandson? Me: 40ish