@peterjames48: How many raisins do I have to add to this bag of M&Ms before it qualifies as trail mix? One? I say one.
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@briancthayer: [rap battle] Opponent: *crushes it* Me: Oh, I... umm. I thought this was something else... *hastily hides plastic wrap behind back*
@Manda_like_wine: My 4yo just came into the living room, crying, "I don't want Santa to see me when I poo."
@BackrowSeats: If you can't be with the one you love then be with the one who has the best cable package.
@Lilbyrdy: My daughter said she wants to run away. We talked. She knows she can walk. I wont chase her.