@mrtruthandsoul: How much of this "no more tears" shampoo do I have to feed this baby to get it to stop crying?
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@Brianhopecomedy: Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I'm hoping that she's having an affair.
@truegritrumble: ME: If home is where the heart is, I guess I live under a canopy of bloody bones. DMV WORKER: I'm not putting that on your license.
@KentWGraham: My wife and I have different beliefs about death. I want to be cremated when I die, and she wants to cremate me now.