@ApocalypseBnG: How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
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@DamienFahey: Hey white people, which filter are we using this year to Instagram the Pumpkin Spice Latte?
@squirrel74wkgn: *kids running down the stairs* DADDY, DADDY, I HEARD TOYS BUZZING IN YOUR ROOM AND MOMMY SAY, "SANTA CAME EARLY THIS YEAR."
@omgthatspunny: The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand.