@TinaMav: How to kill a spider: get a piece of tissue paper, approach it slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down.
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@AimeeHelene1: (what they said) Please do not bring any alcohol on the plane. (what I heard) Please chug all alcohol & slap somebody before boarding.
@NoTheOtherJohn: PILOT: This isn't funny, Ed. Let me in COPILOT: *over intercom* Hey everyone, who'd like to hear a passage from the captain's dream journal?