@OctopusCavemann: Aladdin dresses a monkey in a little vest and hat and gets a hot girlfriend. I do it and I get “banned from the zoo.”

@Thynebear: *queen points out window* "what's that flashing out the window?" "Lightning, My Queen" *car busts thru window* DID I HEAR LIGHTNING McQUEEN

@jergarl: It's not a real twitter addiction until you look up from your phone and you've missed your exit by 37 states.

@daemonic3: Parents, talk to your kids about drugs. Teach them organic chemistry. Obtain a research grant. Put big pharma out of business together

@Gre_Gone: *rolls out of bed* *rolls into other strategically placed bed* "Nice."