@rocknthepurple: My right eye is twitching like it's at some kind of techno dance party that the rest of me wasn't invited to.

@Angibangie: -My cat will ONLY drink from a slightly running faucet and she rubs her gums along the side of it.That's the faucet I brush my teeth from. So basically I've made out with my cat. Therapist: [Puts her pen down. Rubs the bridge of her nose]

@E_lok44: Sorry I painted a hat on your head while you were sleeping, but I can't knit.

@Mr_Dizzystick: I only eat mean animals: shark, crocodile, jerk chicken, etc.

@wolfmannjr: *after 12 tequila shots* Left eye - It’s PARTY TIME!! Right eye - I’m beat, I’m going to lie down in the corner