@ShockTartBionic: I'm like Jason Bourne, only I'm not looking for exits in each room.. I'm looking for outlets & phone chargers.

@JermHimselfish: I hate it when I see an inflatable arm-flailing tube man and then I realize that he was actually flailing his arms at someone behind me.

@DaddyJew: That awkward moment when you're in bed & go to take a sip of your drink but don't feel like doing a sit up and start waterboarding yourself

@kica333: The average person has sex 89 times a year. I’m apparently about to have a super busy 2 months

@AmishPornStar1: Moist people aren't offended by the occasional typo.