@TotallyAllen: HOW TO START A CONVERSATION ON THE BUS: Look longingly out the window and remark, "Such a shame this is all just gonna burn."
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@Illuminati_Stop: BARACK OBAMA WAS BORN IN 1961. 1+9+6+1= 17. YOU KNOW WHO USED TO BE 17 YEARS OLD? HITLER.
@JediGigi: [walks in to UPS store holding rabid raccoon] Hi my boyfriend said he wants to take a break so I'd like to ship him this please.
@WilliamAder: As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it's a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?