@Thee1_4U: How to win an argument with a woman:
1. Too late, you're already wrong.
@AddledPixie: Oh my god, my jeans fit! All I have to do is not sit down, not walk, and not breathe. I totally got this.
@PascalSloths: Petting my dog with a spatula cause I'm too lazy to reach and he is too lazy to move closer
Why is there a spatula in my room?
@shariv67: I was bitten by a radioactive vegan, and now I have the power to bore people to death.
@stealingyergirl: Me: Oh baby, that's the spot.
Murderer: Please stop saying that.
@shutupmikeginn: Rent in the city is getting ridiculous. I pay $775 to live in a barista's beard. I have 3 roommates.