@Thee1_4U: How to win an argument with a woman:
1. Too late, you're already wrong.
@envydatropic: Christmas decorating 101 - Puts fake snow on Halloween decorations
Your move Martha Stewart
@SuitableHolmes: I drink Rockstar cause I'm a rockstar. My wife drinks Monster.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Weather channel: It's going to get up into the mid-30's this afternoon but it'll still feel like it's in the teens.
Me: Literally me.
@Discourt: Having children teaches you patience, humility, love and to never, ever, be surprised when you find a Barbie doll leg clogging the toilet.
@pleatedjeans: idea: business cards that just say NO
Sir can I have 5 mins of ur [card]
Girl can I get ur number [card]
BRO DID U STEAL MY NO CARDS [card]