@TheMichaelRock: HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
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@itsWillyFerrell: My poem: I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig. It's not a very good poem, but it's very deep.
@jwoodham: Instead of pulling people over for texting, the police should be out there pulling people over for not texting me back.
@theyearofelan: Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
@BlairLoudly: I decided to watch The Conjuring alone in a dark apartment and now I'm not allowed to make my own decisions anymore.