@TheMichaelRock: HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
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@JohnLyonTweets: Her: I like a man with an air of mystery. Me: [trying to impress her] I'm under investigation for murder.
@jonnysun: whenever i watch the tv show Friends, i imagine im the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him
@blondebombs: They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness