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@nonsensetwit: My fear of spiders happened when I went to hit one with a newspaper, and it looked at me and did pushups saying "try again bro."
@E_coli___: Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?
@Dirty_Naomi: I'm going to start rubbing myself up against people when they've got nice food. If it works for my cat, it'll work for me.
@Parentpains: Boss: Hey, you feel like working overtime?
*Leaps into garbage compactor*
@nikkithecanuck: I must admit, my "Kiss Me, I Have The Zika Virus" T-shirt is giving me a lot of personal space inside this subway car.