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@XoMiSsYoX: Told my coworker to shut up or I would slash his tires. He laughed, I laughed. Now I'm by his car with a knife and I can hear sirens. :(
@WhatevaConc: People immediately behave better in traffic once they notice the Elf on the Shelf tied to my grille.
@Eric_Bader: I overheard someone say all Asians are ninjas. I would've told him how racist that sounded but he was black and I didn't want to get mugged.