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@BobTheSuit: Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I'm riding a Big Wheel on the freeway? Officer: A STOLEN BIG WHEEL
@3sunzzz: Me: My son totaled another car. Progressive: I see that you insure 3 teen sons? M: yes P: *covers phone* HEY GUYS, WE'RE GOING TO ARUBA!
@QwertyJones3: "See that guy over there? I have to serve him with papers today." -Oh really? Why? "Because I lost my tennis racquet."
@lasergirl70: Coworker to me: " Why are you always rushing out of here after work? You're single with no kids." Me: " Exactly."