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@KeetPotato: [undoes GFs bra first time] "wow have you been practicing?" don't be ridiculous [me and dog exchange glances]
@Chumpstring: [The Price is Right Wheel-O-Fate stops on the 🕳 symbol] DREW: ooh that's 8 days in the hole CONTESTANT: what? [hole opens in the ground]
@3sunzzz: [Walmart] 3: *drops cracker, picks up cracker, starts to eat it* Me: GIVE ME THAT! We don't eat off of the floor here, this isn't Target!