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@KevinFarzad: Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
@Fingers_of_Fury: Someone tweets "pizza," I want pizza. Someone tweets "donut," I want a donut. Someone tweets "kale," I want pizza and a donut.
@_RyanBryce: Asked the burd in Krispy kremes for 5 Nutella donuts and she says "have you got any nut allergies" aye pal I'm planning suicide by donut
@BrandandCo: I feel like Neil deGrasse Tyson would be the most annoying person in the world to watch Space Jam with