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@juliussharpe: I believe in a woman's right to choose, except when it comes to picking what movie we should watch tonight.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means she can eat anything off the floor if she waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
@existentialcoms: What I like about humanity is that certain mustaches are more evil than others, and everyone basically agrees on which ones are which.
@Elizasoul80: [God creating mosquitoes] "I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces."