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@joejwest: ME: I'm heading to the shop ROOMMATE: What are you going to get? ME: [wearing a wedding dress] Compliments
@_SingleBabyMama: If you're feeling a little too good about yourself let your child take a pic of you laying on the couch. Tada! You are now Jaba the Hut.
@QwertyJones3: [Starbucks] "Yes, I'd like a venti skinny soy half-sweet one-pump caramel macchiato half-caff extra whip, please." Barista: Is Pepsi ok?