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@DurtMcHurtt: Playing dodgeball with kids is harder than it looks cause you have to throw them with both hands.
@ericsshadow: [wearing a 'World's Greatest Dad' t-shirt while talking to the bartender] "The younger one is about 8 and the older one is older than 8."
@iwearaonesie: [Bar] me: Gimme one more wife: I think you've had enough m: Last one w: Fine m: *asks waitress for another kids menu so I can do the maze*
@JennyJohnsonHi5: "It's very expensive." - Chipotle employee "Look, I got money to spend in here." - Julia Roberts Pretty Woman 2: Guacamole Costs Extra