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@omically: saying "we won" after watching a sports game is like saying "we played really well" after watching a concert
@Mister_Veritas: ME: Hey buddy, your dog left a little 'present' on my lawn GUY: Huh? ME: *points to tiny, nicely wrapped gift* Thank him for me, willya?
@Iwriteforcats: The best part of marriage is when your spouse goes on a diet and you don't have to share your snacks.