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@AsgardianRose: Me: Why don't I have a boyfriend? God: I sent you one, you dumped him for putting ketchup on his steak. Me: Ah. That's right. Gross.
@rcromwell4: "Then, the handsome prince sees her dead body laying there and has to kiss her." "Ummm, what?" "Trust me, the kids will love it."
@chimneyspotter: I would describe most of my social interactions at parties as "when you turn on the kitchen faucet and the water hits a spoon in the sink"
@SardonicTart: *Hires life coach* "Ok, the first thing we have to do is get you off this couch and get you moving!" *Fires life coach*