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@TheAlexNevil: Shoulder Devil: So I say "Go on--do it!" And the moron does it! Shoulder Angel: What an idiot! Me: You guys know I can hear you, right?
@SteveDutzy: Principal: Your son is a gamer [Parents are visibly shaken] Principal: Oops, wrong kid. Actually yours is on drugs. Parents: OH THANK GOD
@Rollmaninoz: Me: Will my girlfriend be ok using Chanel 5 if she's never used Chanel 1-4 Salesgirl: *into walkie talkie* security he's back here again
@WilliamAder: I knew joining a gym was a bad idea when I got there and needed help pulling the door open.