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@BurbidgeJames: "If you started at 16 and work until you're 23. That would give you 10 years of experience." Back to school for you My friend!
@iliezabeth: [suspecting Kyle is a werewolf] ME: Ive laid out all the good silverware for us tonight K: Its chips & salsa M: Aaand? *stabs chip w/ fork*
@therealeatwood: GOD: Moses!! I COMMAND YOU TO—can you take your shoes off MOSES: What? Why G: I’m trying to keep the place nice, OK? M: It’s a mountain
@TwatyTweets: When I have kids I'm gonna tell them drugs are good for them. It's the only way I can be sure they won't try them.