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@JasonLastname: Cop: How much have you had to drink?
Me: Like six carrot juices
Cop: Please step out of the hamster wheel
@TheRolo: You guys talk about sex like it's so great. I had sex once and she made me take off my jean jacket. Just not worth it.
@MyHairyLife: Spoiler alert: 2013 sucks too.
@Huntermoore: Everyone knows if you see a white guy with dreads you punch them in the face
@BooFricketyHoo: Dried up sea monkeys taste nothing like chicken. Related: Never ever put your kids seamonkey packets near your cup o'noodles packets. Ever.