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@PinkCamoTO: I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it's Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
@KeetPotato: [1st day as cop] captain: "why did you call for back up" me: "there was a fly in my car" swat team leader: "what exactly do you think we do"
@KalvinMacleod: Wife: Are you even listening to me? Me: Of course W: Oh yeah, what did I say? M: [smoke bomb] W: I can still see you M: [Another smoke bomb]