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@abhorrent_wife: The 4 year old thinks a cat's tail is it's underwear because it covers the butthole. I can't really argue with that logic.
@DanMentos: me: excuse me but is the pilot vaping? flight attendant: no there’s a fire in the cockpit me: oh thank god
@CrazyUncIeJoe: How girls put on their pants: *Left leg*, *Right leg*, '' Wiggle*, *Wiggle*, *twerk*, *Jump*, *Jump*, *Squat*, *Stretch* Done.
@topaz_kell: I'm in a constant battle between wanting a hot body and wanting a hot fudge sundae.