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@slimmy_shady: Getting a cat is SO much easier. Go outside. Put cat food out. Pet whatever comes to eat it. Best 30 raccoons I've ever had. Also rabies.
@AmishPornStar1: Interviewer: Why should we hire you? Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison.
@JermHimselfish: My doctor told me my testosterone level was unusually high. At least that's what I think he said, I could hardly hear him over the chainsaw.
@tigersgoroooar: Imagine a hunter in a deer stand but instead of a gun he has a long stick he pokes the deer with and they look around like "ok who did that"