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@QueefTornado: Watching a birth is beautiful. Not knowing any of the parties in the delivery room & singing Salt-N-Pepa's "Push It" will get you arrested.
@FunnyTunes: Wife :'Darling, look. I haven't worn this in 8 years and it still fits.' Hubby : It's a scarf!
@FlyJ_: You know that one relative that is annoying AF and no one in the family can tolerate? Yeah, she's staying at my house this week.
@hamspamtymaam: Doing squats. And by that I mean I'm in the squat position. But really the couch is holding me up. I'm sitting on the couch.