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@markhoppus: Someone a few houses over is having a party. I can hear the music and laughter and people enjoying themselves. I'm calling the damn cops.
@philco816: There is no way Hollywood could remake Scream for millennials because, none of them would answer the phone.
@AudreyPorne: "Are you on Facebook?" "No, but I'm on.. (don't say twitter, don't say twitter) ..Mescaline" (Nailed it)
@noog: Welcome to Starbucks how may I help you? "Regular coffee with cream please" That's $40, 5ml of unicorn tears, and 10 dragon scales. "TEN?"