@CherBear162: Hubby has an alarm app where you can record your own sounds or music to wake up to. I just changed his to "THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!"
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@7_Cents: *eats an entire box of cereal in one sitting* Wtf there's no prize in this? "Sir, we don't sell cereal. This is Petsmart."
@murrman5: [wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] "why isn't he wearing a shirt" we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote
@nonchalantnacho: Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy.