@WhaJoTalkinBout: no one still wants to fight me after I gently remove my earrings and swallow them

@courtneyno: The light above my desk is going out. I feel like I've been at a really boring rave for the last 7 hours.

@UnFitz: Bought a shirt in the UK. Care instructions say "iron whilst damp." I still have no idea when to iron that thing.

@Gupton68: 10: "What are we doing today? Me: "We're gonna make tacos." 10: "Then what are we going to do?" Me: "...I'll be eating tacos."

@SergioValenCo: ''You will die alone.'' I hate fortune cookies. Wait! This is a note from my mom!