@bourgeoisalien: Human history is so awful, I think I'm just gonna teach my son the timeline of Star Trek off of Wikipedia and call it a day.
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@CaptainJerkwad: "Where does it hurt?" the doctor asked. "Right Ear" replied the Englishman, pointing to his broken ankle.
@IamEnidColeslaw: what did I do this weekend? saw 50 Shades Darker & coughed through the whole movie on purpose
@13spencer: Toys 'R Us pulled Breaking Bad figures because the characters sold drugs, but continue to sell Darth Vader ones, and he blew up a planet.